My beautiful 60-year-old mother

I wish I could dig into the family albums to share with you people other beautiful photos of her during her 60 years of interesting and unusual life. She was born on April 19 1949 in Koivistonkylä in her childhood home while the men were on their coffee break from working in the fields. From there on life took her to numerous adventures and places of which Japan became her second home. She raised, along with our dad, 4 daughters between two cultures and countries and guess what, we all turned out pretty ok! My sweet little mom, あなたを愛してる.

Dear Okaasan

(here pictured with my niece Aino)

I know you'd love your daughter to understand Japanese but unfortunately I don't. So your comments on the comments section are pretty much of no use. But please keep writing them, I don't mind. All I need to know is that you love me and that's already obvious to me so all the other stuff you can write in Japanese.

Today's lists

List 1

To buy
-a mirror
-a reading lamp
-shower gel
-a cardigan or a hoodie
-a wooden structure to put underneath my mattress

List 2

To do
-measure my mattress and get some guy to do the wooden thingy for it down at the carpenter's
-plan a studying schedule
-study Spanish
-get tiles from the hard ware store and build a table using the tiles and an old window frame
-pay the rent
-go through the photos from my London-Paris-Pedreguer trip and post some of them here

List 3

Good things
-the sun
-friends
-new home
-learning new things everyday
-the view from my window
-the face lift that the States is going through
-the sometimes occurring optimism of actually speaking Chilean one day
-sleeping when sleepy
-eating when hungry
-the music I listen to

List 4

Not so good things
-flu
-tiredness
-feeling cold
-not being able to communicate well
-Finnish sweets which now have a strong onion aroma because apparently the jar I put them in used to have something onion-y inside
-missing out on lives of people who are very important to me
-the frequently occurring pessimism of never learning Chilean
-fleas
-the music Danilo listens to

TAO TAO

...
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda, Chile

/

...
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

Soneto XVII - Pablo Nedura, Chile

All play and no work

I against I

Because a special someone already filled us in on our encounter today I will not go into it.
I find it difficult not to write about her. Even so, today I will refrain from telling about her and instead just post pictures of her from yesterday and today.

Lately I have felt like the environment's worst enemy. I have bought several flight tickets, bus tickets just for my own sake of enjoyment. I remember telling myself many times that the next time I'm taking off it shall be for professional/educational purposes. Oh look at that, not happening. I doubt that I'm actually the environment's biggest problem but it seems that I am my biggest problem.

Living with the constant feeling of contradiction is tiring. It is fulfilling too, no doubt, I would have not experienced some of my best times without its hold over me. By contradiction I mean two opposing ideas which clash, often beyond your will.

For me, my greatest contradiction in life, among multiple number of other less ground breaking ones, is security vs. adventure. The way it displays itself most prominently in my life is the fact that at the same time I want 1) a secure home where I can invest on books, records, kitchen commodities, quality furniture, career and important relationships, and 2) to feel free, untied, go around, learn new languages, taste wines in their spot of origin, miss home and my people at home and return home just to miss being away again.

The two opposing ideas just don't seem to match. Sure, in some ways I have been able to combine these two. For the very most part of my life I have been relatively stable when it comes to living in different places, by places here I mean different countries or towns. And I have been fortunate to travel too. But really, I mean really, five years is the longest I have lived in one home and that was from the age 7 until 12. Praises for that, very important time for my development I'm sure.

It is not only my social life or my material life which suffers (albeit, the benefits are countless). All in all I have a hard time making long term commitments, decisions. Sometimes I think I sacrifice my potential for the sake of being this rootless being with a confused mind, yet twisted-ly rooted hard on the ground of my ancestors.

It would be easy to blame my parents for my restless mind and my vulnerable heart. And I gotta admit, I find pleasure in blaming them or any reason other than myself for anything and everything I lack of or suffer of. However, it is me I am set against.

My oh my, I thought I went through all this pain in my teenage years but who woulda known, I'm still struggling. When the time comes to make decisions, I hope I’m ready.

Now listening: I against I by Mos Def & Massive Attack

I never want to let her go

Kaisa I love you, I need you, I miss you, I can't live without you.
She is the sister I always had, the care taker, the make up maker, the shoulder and the singing partner.

I still can't dry my tears but don't you worry, I will be all right.

I LOVE DINING.

That's Liisa's hand by the way.

Eino & Allan 09082008

Äiti

April 19 was my dear mother's birthday. I didn't send her anything, nor did any of my sisters. We all called her that day and she laughed the fourth time she heard the same sentence: "Sorry ma, I didn't manage to send you anything.."
Mother's day is next week. So I took myself to the local flea market (my favorite) and found her some pretty, little things from there. I got her a soft cotton napkin with small lilac flowers, a book from the 1960's which was used in schools to teach the Bible stories with fantastic graphic design and illustrations and a small brass box where I put a few sweets. I also added to the package two boxes of traditional Finnish sweets that I know she used to eat when she was a girl: Pectus and Pax. Then I wrote a card ( I found the card from the flea market as well, as you can see it is an African batic print. The name of the art work is Mother and children, kinda fitting.) in which I wrote the first part of Lauri Viita's poem Alfhild. I only now realized it could be taken as an insult because the poem actually is about mother dying.. However the first paragraph itself describes the power and strength of a mother so beautifully that I doubt anyone could find it inappropriate.

Äidit vain nuo toivossa väkevät,
Jumalan näkevät.
Heille on annettu voima ja valta
kohota unessa pilvien alta
ja katsella korkeammalta.

I love my mom, sometimes I miss her so much!!